LET’S SHAKE ON IT

Everyone has something that really, really gets under their skin.  Most people can’t stand to be lied to and hate a thief (with good reason), but there’s another behavior that I’m seeing more and more of that drives me bonkers, and that is when people say they will do something and then don’t.

Before my dad passed in 2011, he often complained that things weren’t the same as when he was young. Back in his day, he said, when a man shook your hand and said he would do something, he did it, and it was a rare occurrence that he didn’t follow through. If he didn’t hold up to his end of the bargain, he normally had a good reason for it. You didn’t have to have a written contract back then because you had a man’s word and that man shook your hand to seal the deal.

In the past couple of years, I’ve had my share of encounters with people who say they will do something and then don’t do it, and I’m not gonna lie . . . it’s baffling.  I can’t understand how anyone thinks breaking their word is okay.  Not only is it not okay, but when someone breaks their word, it tells me they don’t value my time or my opinion of them.

It also tells me I don’t want them in my life in any capacity.  That sounds harsh, but if someone makes plans with me and for no good reason, breaks them last minute, they obviously aren’t worried about how it makes me feel.  If someone says they’re going to do anything, and doesn’t follow through without a good reason, that lets me know that the words that come out of their mouth mean nothing, that they’re unreliable, and perhaps, also untrustworthy.

I understand that sometimes things happen that are beyond our control, but that’s not what I’m talking about.  I’m talking about choices. If I tell my friend I will feed her cat when she’s out of town but then I decide at the last minute that I would rather sit on my couch and binge watch my favorite new series, I’ve made a choice to renege on a commitment. Not only does this really mess things up for my friend, it messes things up for me, because by breaking that commitment, I’ve shown myself to be someone who can’t be trusted to do what they say they will do.

I see posts on Facebook sometimes where people are warning others of shady contractors. They say things like, “I gave this guy some money to get the materials, and he never came back and won’t return my calls.” Of course, people school the person about how you should never pay contractors up front (which is a good point), but now anyone who has seen the post will avoid that contractor like the plague.

I sometimes wonder if some people who struggle with keeping commitments have trouble saying “no” when they’re asked to do something that they don’t want to do in the first place; if so, that’s a little more understandable. But what about the ones who offer to do something?

I recently encountered someone who, out of the blue, offered to do something for people. She actually posted on social media offering to do this thing, and several people thanked her profusely and took her up on the offer. She said she’d have it done in a couple of weeks. That was about six months ago, and she has yet to follow through with her promise. This person holds herself out as a professional, but I can tell you right now that I’d never hire her to do anything; by promising to do something and then never doing it, she’s told me she is unreliable. Not only would I not hire her, I wouldn’t recommend her to other people.

There’s one good thing that comes from dealing with promise-breakers, though, and it is that it reminds me to do one of two things: either say “no” when I don’t want to do something, or if I say I will do something, I do it even if I decide later that I really don’t feel like it.

I think it’s okay to write people off early in the game when they show themselves to be someone who you can’t make a handshake deal with . . . we should value ourselves enough to hold people to a certain standard. This was something that my father understood and lived by. If you shook his hand and said you would do something, then didn’t, he was done with you. If you kept your word, though, you earned his respect and trust, both of which were invaluable.

I feel blessed that most of the people I know are the kind that if I say, “Let’s shake on it,” will see that as a binding commitment; and after years of learning the hard way, I’m also blessed that I’ve learned to value myself enough to weed out the ones who don’t. Have you?