To burn, or not to burn

Jackson Brown said, “Don’t burn bridges. You’ll be surprised how many times you have to cross the same river.”

Don Henley said, “Sometimes you get the best light from a burning bridge.”

I say, “If you must burn a bridge, don’t do it on a windy day, and be sure to first consult your locality’s fire-burning ordinance regulations.”

Seriously, though … To burn or not to burn; that is the question.

I believe that Mr. Brown and Mr. Henley were both right when they said what they had to say about burning bridges; I think a person should choose what advice to follow on a case-by-case basis.  Well, sort of …

When we speak of burning a bridge, what we’re really talking about is the no-going-back (EVER) termination of a relationship, whether it’s an employer-employee relationship, a business relationship, a friendship, or a romantic relationship.   If you really think about it, setting fire to anything is a pretty drastic (not to mention, illegal) measure.

I fully support ending a friendship or relationship with a toxic person or quitting a job that makes you miserable (once you have another one lined up, of course).  But here’s where I differ on the whole burning bridges thing:  For me, burning a bridge implies the whole, “Take this job and shove it” mentality … the “Don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out” frame of mind.  Am I right?  I mean, is that what you picture too?  But I think it’s just as easy, and probably better in the long run, to simply break out my map and draw a big, red X (or in some cases, a skull and crossbones) on the bridge.  That way, during my travels, I know where not to tread again.

Maybe that bridge was unstable, maybe I felt uneasy crossing it, or maybe I just don’t want to go there again.  If I make a note of why crossing that bridge was a bad experience, I like to think I’d be smart enough to avoid it a second time around.  If I’m so daft that I keep returning to the same location that’s marked with a big, red X, maybe rather than breaking out the kerosene and matches, I should instead learn how to read a map.

As much as we’d sometimes like to make a grand, movie-worthy, bird-flipping exit, it’s just as easy to walk away and never look back … I think they call that, “taking the high road.”  By learning to read a map and diligently marking it up with notes, we’ll know a bad bridge if we come to it again, and we’ll also be able to recognize structural damage when we encounter a new bridge.

I know, I know, the high road is not nearly as satisfying or entertaining, but the satisfaction we get from watching that sucker burn is fleeting; once the fire has gone out and there’s nothing left but ashes, the only thing we can do is what we were going to do anyway, which is move on.

So while Mr. Henley and Mr. Brown both have great points on burning bridges, I think I’ll just keep a red Sharpie in my bag and hope that I remember to use it.