This too, shall pass.

The other day, a friend asked me what I planned on writing about this week.  I said, “I don’t know yet.”  I had no clue.  Being unable to think of something to write about happens to me a lot, but then I’ll talk to someone or see something and voila! – I’ve got my topic.  Unfortunately, this week’s topic is inspired by a friend who is going through a rough patch.  Someone told him, “This too, shall pass.”  And it will.  It always does.  It may not seem like it right now, but things really will get better.

Over the years, I’ve had some people come into my life and I questioned the reason for their presence in my world.  I’ve had friends that ended up not really being friends at all, I’ve had relationships that failed miserably, and I’ve had connections with people that may have only lasted a few minutes, days, or months, but ended up changing the course of my life in some way.  Once the emotions have passed, it’s easy to look back objectively and try to figure out the “why” about these people, but when you’re in the midst of heartbreak, nothing seems to make sense.  And sometimes we never figure out the reason for someone’s role in our lives, but just because we don’t understand it, doesn’t mean that we haven’t been changed for the better.  There are times, though, that we are able to clearly see what someone’s role was.  I’ve been able to figure the “why” out several times, and with the exception of my son’s father (his role is pretty obvious), there’s one instance where the reason for that person coming into my life is clearer than any of the others.

The closest I ever came to getting married was when I was about 30.  He was in the Navy and I was sitting at a desk, working in a job that didn’t allow for advancement unless you had a degree, which I didn’t have; and the pay wasn’t good.  In fact, I was struggling to stay afloat.  Although I’d had four years of college, I hadn’t always taken a full class load, so when I took a semester off (and never ended up going back), I had nothing to show for those four years.  Plus, I had majored in Psychology and was working in a tax office.  My employer only offered tuition reimbursement for certain majors, and Psychology wasn’t one of them; if I went back to school, I’d have to change my major.  Because I worked full-time, I’d be able to take only one or two classes at a time, so I knew it would take forever to finish.  Because of that, I’d never considered going back, but he brought it up one day and told me I should.  In fact, he ended up bringing it up so often that eventually, I gave in and enrolled; I sometimes think it was more a matter of getting him off my back than it was a matter of self-improvement.

Shortly after I was back in school, he ended up getting stationed in Bahrain and that’s when things started heading south at warp speed.  It got ugly…really ugly, and then it was done.  Over.  Kaput.  And I was to pieces.  I don’t remember how long it took to get back to my normal self, but I sure remember the misery I felt in the meantime, and I remember wondering what it was all for.  Why had this person come into my life if it was only to cause me heartache?  It just didn’t make sense–until years later–years later when I finally had my degree and a job that paid enough that I could actually pay all of my bills.  I could even take my kid to the movies every once in a while, and, if I wanted to, I could buy candy at the concession counter instead of stuffing Sour Patch Kids in my purse and smuggling them into the theater.

He and I are actually friends now.  We don’t talk regularly or anything, but for a brief time we did.  When we started talking again, the first thing I did was thank him for pushing me to go back to school.  If not for him, I know I’d be sitting at that same desk, making the same crappy salary, and kicking myself for never going back and getting my degree.  He’s married and seems genuinely happy, and I’m happy for him.  Everything worked out perfectly for both of us, but while I was going through the aftermath of the breakup, I couldn’t imagine that anything good would ever rise from the ashes of that hot, fiery mess.

He’s not the only person who has come into my life and changed my story.  I think everyone who has been a part of my life, including the ones that still are, came on the scene for a reason.   There are some who I admired and wanted to be like; those people made me better just by (unknowingly) being great role models.  I have family and friends who encourage me, make me laugh, inspire me, and make my life better simply by being a part of it.  These are the ones I treasure.  Alternatively, there are people who have shown me the kind of person I don’t want to be around and that I don’t want to be like – sometimes, if you really think about it, you’ll realize that the people who treat you the worst end up being the best teachers.

But I truly believe that all of them, every single person I’ve crossed paths with, even for a few moments in line at the grocery store, has a purpose for me.  I may never know the purpose, but I have to trust that there is one.  So to my friend who is having a rough go of it right now–your friend who said, “This too, shall pass,” was right.  While you’re waiting for it to pass, try to remember that the person you’re probably hating one minute and missing the next, came into your life for a reason, and while none of it makes sense right now and may never make sense, they had a purpose.  Maybe, just maybe, their role was to make you better for the person you’re destined to end up with.  So hang in there, treasure your family and friends, and just trust that it’ll all work out for the best.  Because it will.