Real Queens & Kings

I’ve said before that I get a lot of my ideas from things I see on Facebook; this week’s blog idea is a shining example of that.  The other day, I saw a meme on Facebook that said, “Real queens fix each other’s crowns,” and it got me to thinkin’.  The gist of the message is that women should build each other up, not tear each other down.  I agree with that, but with one minor exception:  I think it applies to women and men–“real queens and kings”.  

When I posted my very first blog, I was really nervous about it because I (like most of the population) am my own worst critic; so when I hit that “post” button, I thought, “Oh, lawd, what have I done?”  It wasn’t long after, that people began liking and commenting on the blog link.  I’m not delusional enough to believe for even one second that people were liking and/or commenting because they read my blog and thought, “Ooh, her writing is brilliant…she’s the next John Steinbeck.”  That first post was me just explaining why I was doing a blog, and it certainly wasn’t impressive, so I knew that the likes and comments were simply encouragement and support; people were straightening my crown.  

Yesterday, as I was scrolling through Facebook, I came across a live video that one of my friends was streaming.  I clicked on it and much to my surprise, she was videoing the unboxing for her very first published book.  I wasn’t surprised because of the fact that she had published a book; I was surprised because over the course of my blogs, she has lifted me up with encouraging comments, but neglected to mention that she also had something in the works.  Maybe she forgot to mention it because she was too busy straightening my crown for me.  Over the past few months, I’ve learned how many real queens and kings I have in my life and how blessed I am to have them.

There have also been one or two people who have not been very encouraging.  One person who is also a writer, just gave me a blank stare when I told her I’d written a book; there was no, “I’m excited for you,” or anything even close; in fact, there were no words at all…just that empty stare.  I had mistakenly believed that she would be happy for me (I would be for her) and that she would offer some words of encouragement or advice.  Although I can’t figure out why, it seems that there are people in the world who just don’t like to see other people happy.  They don’t like to see people succeed unless the person succeeding is them.  Those are the people who smile as they pretend to straighten your crown for you while instead, they’re doing their best to make it more lopsided.

Just the other day, I saw some of those pretenders in action.  A friend of mine posted a photo that was taken when he and his buddy had helped a charitable cause and while most people were very supportive and encouraging, others took the opportunity to make “fun” of something that was totally unrelated to the purpose of the original post.  I guess they couldn’t stand the fact that someone other than them had done something worthwhile and was getting recognition for it, so they completely ignored the good he and his friend had done and instead, tried to find ways to tear him down.  He took it in stride, but it was all I could do to keep my fingers from typing some not-so-nice comments to those “friends” of his…those pretenders.  

What happened on my friend’s post is just an example of what I’ve learned over the past few months–that when you are doing something good or you begin chasing a dream, there are going to be two types of people you meet along the way:  the real queens and kings, and the pretenders.  The real kings and queens are people who are happy for you because they’re happy with themselves.  They’re the ones who delight in building you up, not tearing you down.  They’re the ones who, instead of becoming green with envy over your journey, become inspired to start on their own journey.  They let you know that they believe in you and they genuinely want to see you succeed.  They realize that your success doesn’t take anything away from them.  When you find people who are real queens and kings, hold on to them.

The pretenders?  Those are the ones who, for whatever reason, aren’t happy with themselves, so they delight in seeing others fail and they get their jollies by tearing people down.  They don’t want your light to shine because they feel like the brighter your light is, the dimmer theirs will appear.  They don’t understand that in attempting to dim your light, they’re completely dousing their own.  There’s nothing we can do to change those people.  As the saying goes, “Haters gonna hate.”  All we can do is step away from the pretenders and don’t take their behavior personally because it’s not at all about us; it’s all about something that’s missing in them.  If anything, we should probably feel sympathy for them.

So, as you are in the midst of doing good things and chasing your dreams, make sure to recognize the people along the way who support you, encourage you, lift you up, and straighten your crown–the real kings and queens–you know, the ones you’ll invite to your celebration ball.  Banish the pretenders from your kingdom; they don’t deserve to be there, and they’re definitely not invited to the ball.  And don’t forget that even though you’re busy chasing your dreams, you should always take the time to stop and straighten the crowns of your fellow royals.  Because that’s what real kings and queens do.