Fake it ’til you make it

My book launch was last Saturday.  It was an enjoyable and exciting experience, but it was also exhausting.  I’ve learned so many things since I began the journey to getting this book out there, with my most recent lesson being this:  Fake it ‘til you make it.

I am, by nature, an introvert.  I’m hard-wired to do things like only leave the house when necessary, be more of a listener than a speaker, and spend the majority of my free time with my cat and dog, neither of which are interested in carrying on conversations with me.  Don’t get me wrong, anyone who knows me knows that once I’m settled in and comfortable, you may not be able to shut me up.  But it takes a little while.  And I don’t do well with more than one thing at a time…for example, at the launch, if more than one person was standing there waiting for me to talk to them, I got a little panicked. However, it probably wouldn’t have gone over too well if I had a panic attack in the middle of my book launch.  So, what did I do?  I employed the old “fake it ‘til you make it” routine.

When I say I faked it, I do not mean that I was insincere.  What I mean is that I pretended (to myself) that I was 100% comfortable with the situation.  I do this often—I have to.  Since I no longer have the option to drink a few beers to put myself at ease, I’ve had to find a way to get through certain situations without freaking the hell out.  At the launch, I found out I’m not the only person who does this…

While there, I was talking to someone I went to school with, and we got into a conversation about this challenge.  He is also an introvert and has had to find ways to get through social situations.  We agreed that in certain circumstances, you almost have to pretend to be someone else.  Again, I don’t mean being fake…I mean faking yourself out.  When I speak (as in public speaking), I pretend I’m not nervous.  I pretend I’m confident.  I also pretend that I’m not likely to throw up.  While everything I say comes from the heart, the only way I can get the words out of my mouth is to pretend that I’m good at it and comfortable doing it.  And most of the time, it works. 

However, forcing myself to be a social butterfly when I prefer to hide out alone in my cocoon, can be exhausting; so this weekend, I’m staying in my cocoon. I’m still communicating, but I’m doing it the way I’m most comfortable doing it—through writing.  And while I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that, I wish I was more comfortable in social situations.  Maybe one day, after repeatedly faking myself out over the years, I’ll have successfully tricked my mind into believing that I am a social butterfly, but until that day comes, I’ll be a caterpillar who’s faking it ‘til she makes it.

P.S. The correct technical term for a butterfly’s metamorphosis abode is “Chrysalis”.  Cocoons are for moths, but it’s a more common term, so I used it, even though I never hope to be a social moth. If you already knew this little fact, yay for you…I had to look it up.