If You Keep Doin’ What You’re Doin’

Years ago when my drinking had landed me in some trouble (imagine that), my dad, who had many years of sobriety under his belt, said something I’ll never forget:  “If you keep doin’ what you’re doin’, you’re gonna keep gettin’ what you’re gettin’.”  Almost 20 years later, this simple sentence is still my favorite mantra.

It turns out that my dad had heard the saying in one of his AA meetings, but over the years I’ve found that while this is certainly important for alcoholics and addicts to remember, it applies to everyone.  I often see people complain about things that they have the power to change, but instead of making a change, they prefer to lay the blame on bad luck or even other people. I sometimes wonder if they just enjoy complaining. Either way, I want to grab these people by the shoulders and shake them while screaming, “IF YOU KEEP DOIN’ WHAT YOU’RE DOIN’, YOU’RE GONNA KEEP GETTIN’ WHAT YOU’RE GETTIN’!!”  The thing is, that unless someone will take responsibility for how their own behavior affects their life, and unless they truly want change, I could spew out every good saying I’ve ever heard and it won’t make a difference.

Yes, alcoholics and addicts are notorious for blaming everyone and everything other than themselves for the bad predicaments they find themselves in.  But what about people who aren’t alcoholics or addicts; do they play the blame game and refuse to look at themselves?  You bet your sweet bippy they do.

There’s the gambler (also a form of addiction, really) who can’t seem to understand why there’s never enough money to pay the rent.  If he’d stop spending all of his money on those lottery tickets, he might find that he has the funds to keep a roof over his head and electricity, to boot.  The person who, because of lifestyle choices, always feels bad but refuses to exercise and give up the fast food and cigarettes.  There’s the female who complains that she can’t find a good guy but consistently chooses “bad boys,” and the guy who wants to settle down, yet looks in bars for someone to settle down with. Then, we have the procrastinator who waits until the last minute to do something and then finds himself overwhelmed and full of anxiety when a deadline “sneaks up” on him.  There are so many situations we could fix if we would work on making changes, but instead we opt to keep doin’ what we’re doin’.

I want to pause here to say this is not me preaching or judging—this is me sharing what I’ve learned from doin’ what I was doin’ and gettin’ what I was gettin’.  I was the queen of the Victims of Circumstance, refusing to believe my drinking might be the reason I was unhappy.  Instead, I wallowed in self-pity…I’d lost my mom when I was young, I’d grown up in an alcoholic home, blah-blah-blah-blah-blah.  I was also the queen of blame—if my dad hadn’t been an alcoholic, if my parents hadn’t divorced when I was five…everything was always someone else’s fault; none of my problems had anything to do with the choices I made or the fact that I refused to change. I even went to the doctor knowing that there must be something wrong with my thyroid—those thirty pounds I’d gained definitely couldn’t be attributed to the fact that I spent 90% of my free time sitting on my couch eating Bavarian Cream donuts, right?

Also, there’s a positive side to this doin’ what you’re doin’ mantra.  What about the person who works on something as soon as it’s assigned?  They have more time to do a good job and often get their work done early, finding themselves with some downtime to do something they enjoy.  The person who exercises daily and makes healthy food choices feels better; they have more energy and are literally lighter on their feet.  The person who saves or invests their money instead of spending it all on lottery tickets (the odds of winning the big jackpot are not good at all, by the way) find themselves with not only shelter and heat, but maybe even a nice nest egg.  The person who stops smoking, drinking and/or using drugs?  It’s unnecessary to go into the positive results that come from putting down those habits—I mean, hey, that’s a no-brainer.

If there’s something in your life you want to be different, the first question to ask yourself is, “Is there anything I can do to change this situation?”  If the answer is yes, then here we have an easy solution…make a change.

If you know someone whose choices keep landing them in bad spots and they repeatedly come to you not wanting help, but merely expecting you to listen to them blame others and complain about being a victim, stop them in their tracks, look them in the eye and tell them, “Well, if you keep doin’ what you’re doin’, you’re gonna keep gettin’ what you’re gettin’.”

They may not want to hear it, they may even get mad or defensive, but the only person who can make a change is them, and it’s not your job to sit and listen to someone complain 24/7 (it’s also kind of messed up for someone to expect you to). After all, you’ve got your own good stuff to be doin’ so that you can keep gettin’ the good stuff that you’re gettin’.