Lessons from Mount Crumpit
How the Grinch Stole Christmas, the book, was published in 1957, and the animated television special’s original air date was December 18, 1966. Since then, the Grinch is—at least during December—an integral part of American life and is beloved by young and old alike. And it’s not just the book or the TV special we love; we also adore the Grinch because we can identify with him, and everyone loves a good redemption story.
I’m not saying we can identify with him because we are Grinches (although some of us are), but I think we all know at least one year-round Grinch—someone miserable who attempts to make everyone around them feel as awful as they do. In the book and TV special, the Grinch tried to spread misery by stealing everything Christmas-related; but his tactic didn’t work because the Whos understood the true meaning of Christmas and valued each other—we see what’s important to them as they gather around the town tree, clasp hands, and belt out Welcome Christmas (a.k.a. Dahoo Dores).
I can’t help but wonder what the Grinch’s tactic would have looked like had Dr. Seuss written this classic today. What would he take from us in 2024 to send us into a frenzied spiral? Well, I can think of one thing…
In the 2024 version, the Grinch would wait until we were all fast asleep, dreaming our sugarplum dreams, hop in his battery-operated, rechargeable sleigh, and head down our way from Mount Crumpit. Max, the dog, would not be with him simply because it’s 2024—the local animal control agency would have already taken Max from him and adopted him out to someone who isn’t cruel to animals (so, if you always felt bad for Max, like I did, don’t worry, he’s with a GREAT family).
AnyWho (see what I did there?), I think the rest of a modern-day version might go something like this:
As the Whos snored their snoozes with sugar-filled bellies,
The Grinch slid through their homes and unplugged all their cellies.
He disabled location so they couldn’t be tracked,
Before dropping each phone down into his sack.
After throwing the phones in the back of his ride,
He drove back to Mount Crumpit and hauled them inside.
Then he sat on his porch swing and waited and waited,
For the sound of the cries to rise from the ill-fated.
He waited and thunk things then chuckled and snorted,
“Their Christmas morning plans have been thwarted!
No Tik-Toks a-trending, no photos a-posting,
No DMs a-dinging, no Christmas gift boasting!
No way to post for their followers and fans,
By God, I have done it! I’ve ruined their plans!
They’ll sit around clueless, ‘What do we do now?
We’d connect with each other, but we just don’t know how!'”
But instead of cries for no DMs a-dinging,
He heard the faint sound of those stupid Whos singing.
The singing grew louder, so he jumped up to see,
And there they all stood, hand-in-hand, ’round the tree.
“What happened?” he wondered. “Why aren’t they fretting?
Why aren’t they sad for the ‘likes’ they aren’t getting?
They can’t even text or make a quick call!
They’re not crying; they’re not even upset at all!”
Then, it suddenly hit him: his plan had backfired.
The Whos weren’t defeated. No, they were inspired!
With no phones to distract them, it was suddenly clear:
The people that mattered were sitting right there.
So, the Grinch threw the phones back into his sleigh,
And he took them all back to Whoville that day.
When the Whos got their phones back, they didn’t plug in.
Instead, they spent Christmas like they did “way back when.”
Back before: POSTED, SENT, SHARED, and LIKED,
They had Christmas Eve parties with punch that was spiked.
At Christmas Day dinner, everyone came together,
Those were the days when life was much better.
So, the Grinch was invited to the Whos’ Christmas meal,
He was Who Guest of Honor (which is quite a big deal).
One Who, whose name I cannot recall,
Raised a toast to the Grinch and was then joined by all:
“Let’s all toast to Grinch, our now-official Who brother.
For reminding us all of what matters: each other.”
MERRY CHRISTMAS!