A Mirror Image

I love a good quote, especially when the author of the quote used a quill to write it. What constitutes a “good” quote? Well, for me, it’s one that not only rings true but also gets me thinking—recently, I came across this one that checks both boxes:

Behavior is the mirror in which everyone shows their image.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (side note: What a GREAT name)

There are less eloquent variations of the same concept, but those tend to compare actions to words. We’ve all heard, “Actions speak louder than words,” and the reference to the opposite—hypocrisy—in, “Do as I say, not as I do.”  But I like this one better because:

1. I’m a sucker for a good metaphor, and
2. At least once in his lifetime, the guy who wrote it wore knee-breeches.

I also like this version better because it removes words from the equation. When someone speaks, the words that come out of their mouth are deliberate—they are what that person wants us to hear (and believe), and we all know that the words people utter aren’t always true. Behaviors, however, tell us the truth that’s hidden behind the words; they tell us almost everything we need to know to determine who a person is and what they’re about.

I’m over half a century old, and I still tend to pay more attention and give more credence to what someone says over what they do, especially when the behavior contradicts words I want to believe. I don’t think I’m the only one who does this. Why would so many variations of “actions speak louder…” quotes exist if I were?

When given the choice, we all choose pleasure over pain. When someone says something that provides us with pleasure, but their behaviors are contradictory, we ignore the behaviors and instead latch onto the words, holding them tightly to our chests. If someone tells me, “I care about your health,” as they’re sprinkling poison into my coffee, I’ll be confused because the words don’t align with the behavior. If the boss says, “I value you,” yet expects me to work on a day off for free, it causes resentment because what they’re saying doesn’t match what they’re doing. If someone tells me they care about how I feel yet does things that they know make me feel bad, I’m left feeling hurt and befuddled. The common denominator is that any feelings of confusion, resentment, or hurt directly result from my choice to put faith into words even though I can clearly see that what someone is doing isn’t lining up with what they’re saying.

If we take words with a grain of salt and instead pay attention to behaviors, we would be much more adept at seeing people for what they truly are. And with time, someone’s behavior will show us whether their words align with their actions; if so, then we know that, for the most part, we can trust that person means what they say and that they’ll make good on their word.

So, from now on, if you catch me gazing into your mirror instead of listening to what you’re saying, don’t take it personally—I’ve simply donned my pantaloons and am trying to figure out who you really are.