I’m a DNF-er

In book clubs and reading circles, there’s a thing people sometimes must admit to, and it’s called “DNF.” This admission often comes with feelings of guilt and shame. I’ve DNF’d many times, and the first few times I did it, I didn’t want to confess my sin simply because I don’t like the stigma of being a quitter.

So, for those of you who don’t know what DNF is, it stands for did not finish, and it refers to books. There are many reasons a person might DNF a book: time constraints, didn’t like the subject matter, didn’t like the writing style, etc., but it somehow always feels that no excuse is good enough for being a quitter.

I can’t remember the first time I DNF’d a book, but the first time that sticks in my memory was the first book in the Fifty Shades series. You may have read that last sentence, and now you want to shake me and ask me how I could put that book down for even a moment, let alone forever. The simple answer is this: I didn’t like it. “How could anyone not like that book?” you cry out indignantly. Eh, well, I just didn’t. Sorry.

That’s not the only book I’ve DNF’d. I was recently reading a book at the same time that the latest Stephen King novel came out. I didn’t hate the book I was reading, but I knew I’d much rather be reading Stephen King because I love pretty much everything he’s written. So, what did I do? I scooped up the King book and put that other book on the shelf, where it still sits, looking dejected. The other book wasn’t bad, but it just didn’t get me excited. I usually only read at night in bed, so when I’m excited to go to bed and get back into the story, I know that I’ve found a book that’s right for me.

I’ve come to think about relationships in the same way. Just like a book can be an excellent read for someone else but not for you, the same can be said about people. Someone may “check all the boxes”: they may be kind, good-looking, intelligent, etc., but you’re just not excited about them. It’s nothing negative about them or you…it just is what it is (or should I say it is not what it’s not?). I’ve DNF’d many well-written books with great topics simply because I didn’t feel pulled to them. The same goes for people…they can be great, but if that pull ain’t there, why waste two people’s time?

There have also been books that I forced myself to read until the end. They were almost literally painful to read, but once I’d invested time in them, I felt like I had to finish. I’ve witnessed people stay in miserable relationships because they feel like if they leave, they’re quitting something that they’ve invested in—and I’m referring not only to romantic relationships but also relationships like friendships and jobs. Sure, every relationship has some bad sprinkled in with the good, but when a relationship has become primarily bad, I’m DNF-ing that one, and I refuse to feel guilty about it.

I look back at my life and realize that I wasted a lot of time on things that I shouldn’t have simply because of what I’d already invested. I tried to finish things that I should have shelved long before I finally let go. As I age, time becomes more precious, and I’m not going to spend it in the company of books (or people) who make me say “eh,” or make me unhappy.

I’m going to DNF those things, and I’m not going to feel bad about it. Not one little bit.