Her First Valentine

Yesterday, while scrolling through Facebook, I came across a photo taken for one of this year’s Daddy-Daughter dances and, as always, it made me smile. It makes sense for Daddy-Daughter dances to take place close to Valentine’s Day—after all, isn’t a girl’s first Valentine her daddy?  I often wonder if fathers realize how much of an impact they have in their daughters’ lives.  I hope so.

We’ve all met someone who has what we call, “daddy issues,” (which refers to a woman’s behaviors and way of thinking when her father was not in the picture or was there and was emotionally unavailable).  Whether a woman has “daddy issues” depends on how she was treated by the first Valentine in her life.

You’ve heard me say before that my dad was an alcoholic, and that’s true.  He wasn’t a perfect father, but how many of us are perfect examples of anything?  Although he had his problems, there’s one thing in my mind that will always stand out about my relationship with him:  he was there.  He and my mom divorced when I was five, so although he wasn‘t around 24/7, he always showed up when it was his weekend to get us, and not because he had to, but because he wanted to.  I’m so thankful that there’s never been a time in my life I felt unwanted by my dad.  I think the first and most important job of a girl’s first Valentine is to be there and to make it crystal clear to her she is wanted.

Being present isn’t the only thing a great first Valentine does for his daughter.  Anyone can be physically present, but a great first Valentine shows his girl she is important to him and that he loves and treasures her.  The way he treats her is her first example of how a woman should be treated.  If he belittles her, she may grow up feeling as if she has little, or no worth.  If he supports and encourages her, she’ll likely become a woman with confidence and a strong sense of self-worth. 

Many women (even if subconsciously) choose partners based on their relationships with their fathers.  I know women whose fathers either weren’t around, or their presence did more harm than good, and these women tend to pick one loser after another.  I also know a lot of women who had wonderful fathers who loved and treasured them, and those women ended up choosing good and decent men who also treasure them.  Sometimes women grow up having healthy relationships with their fathers, but still end up with bad men and vice versa, but most women I know that end up in healthy relationships, ended up in them because they learned from their fathers’ actions that they deserve nothing less than a partner who treats them with love and respect.

To all the dads out there with daughters, know that you are making a huge impact in their lives.  With your actions you are teaching her what love looks like and you are telling her whether she is worthy.  She looks to you to learn what a man is and how he should treat the women in his life. 

You are her first Valentine–so keep taking her to dances, treasure and love her, and make sure she knows she is important, because before you know it, she’ll grow up and choose a new Valentine. It’s your job (and hopefully your pleasure) to make sure the person she chooses faces one heck of challenge living up to you.