Blessings

November…it’s “no-shave” month (for men only, please) and also a month to express gratitude for all of the wonderful things we have been blessed with.  In previous years, I’ve seen daily posts on Facebook during the month of November, in which my friends posted about what they were thankful for.  The most common posts have always involved family, friends, and pets, of course; I agree 100% that it’s our loved ones that make life grand.  What I’ve never seen though, is thanks for blessings in disguise, so I decided I’d write about being thankful for the things we wish for but never get…you know, put a little spin on the whole gratitude thing.

In 2011, I applied for a job at a private company.  The pay was a lot more than what I was currently making and unlike my current employer, who had stopped tuition reimbursement altogether, they’d pay full tuition if I ever decided to go back to school to pursue a master’s degree.  Plus, I was chomping at the bit to get out of the office I was working in, so I really wanted that job.  I was stoked when I got an interview but was a little dismayed to find that the guy who interviewed me had the personality of a rock.  A professional rock, but still a rock.  He was all business; he never even cracked a smile.  Anyone who knows me knows that I like people who are cheery and funny.  This guy was neither.  He was the one who would decide if I would be employed at his company, and if he did decide to hire me, he was the one who would be my boss (yikes!).  Maybe he was just trying to be extra professional for the interview, but his whole demeanor gave me the feeling he didn’t like me very much.  I guess I was right about that because I didn’t get the job; I was so disappointed.

I had also applied for a job in a different office where I worked.  I didn’t want that job very much, but I desperately wanted out of where I was, so when the director called me for an interview, I went.  This interview was a lot different than the other one.  They (it was a panel interview) were friendly and jovial, so when I got offered the job, even though it was a lateral move (same pay), I took it.  I was still bummed about not getting the other job, but I liked the people I was working with, and I was getting out of the place that had started to make me miserable, so I was fairly content.

It was only a few weeks later, that I realized how fortunate I was that I didn’t get the first job.  It was August, and my sister had taken my dad to the doctor for some pain he’d been having in his shoulder.  I was sitting at my new desk, reading some sleep-inducing auditing standards, when my phone rang.  It was my sister and my dad, calling to let me know that the cause of my father’s shoulder pain was cancer.  Terminal cancer.  

The doctors said that with treatment, he could live up to a couple of years.  He would have to go to a lot of appointments and undergo chemo treatments, and of course, my sister and I would go with him.  I had only been in that new job for a few weeks and would already be requesting a bunch of time off.  I didn’t know my new boss that well, and while I was afraid of what her reaction would be, I knew I didn’t have any other choice but to go to her and let her know that soon, I would be needing to take a lot of leave.

It was a huge relief when, instead of being irritated, she was compassionate and understanding.  She told me to take all of the time that I needed.  I walked back into my office, sat down, and it hit me…if I had gotten that job that I had so desperately wanted, the “I need to take off” conversation would very likely have gone in a whole different direction.  I believed in my heart that his reaction wouldn’t have been compassionate or understanding, and that he might not have even let me take off, let alone have empathy for me.  Although I may have been wrong about him and he may have surprised me, my gut told me me differently, and my gut is usually right.

My dad passed away about three months later.  During those three months, I was able to take off all of the time I needed, with no questions asked.  I was able to go with my dad to his appointments.  I was able to have talks with him, cook for him, read to him and sometimes, just sit in silence with him.  No amount of money would have been worth the peace of mind I had knowing that while I was there with him, my job was still there waiting for me and that my boss wasn’t upset over my absence.

So often, we wish for something and wind up disappointed or bitter when we don’t get it, never realizing that not getting what we want is often a blessing in disguise.  We think we know what will make us happy, or what is best for us, but the truth is that we’re probably wrong about that more often than not.

So, this Thursday, while we’re giving thanks for all that we’ve asked for and received, let’s also remember to be thankful for the things we wished for and didn’t get.  Because those unanswered requests–those blessings in disguise–well, those are usually the ones that end up putting us exactly where we’re supposed to be.