Naked in front of a crowd
Have you ever been listening to a song and one part in the lyrics jumps out and grabs you? A part that you just connect with? There are a few songs that have one or two parts that I totally connect with. Breathe, by Anna Nalick is one of those songs, and it actually has two parts that I dig, but this post is about only one of them.
She’s talking about songwriting when she says, “…I feel like I’m naked in front of a crowd ’cause these words are my diary screaming out loud, and I know that you’ll use them however you want to.” I don’t write songs, and I don’t journal or keep a diary (that would be a train wreck…a sadly entertaining and comical train wreck, but a train wreck, nonetheless). To me, feeling “naked in front of a crowd” is a metaphor for vulnerability, which isn’t limited to songwriting, or memoirs, or diaries; when you write, if you’re being honest, you’re going to feel somewhat vulnerable.
Regardless of what I’m writing, I’m sharing my thoughts and feelings, to some extent. There are plenty of people who wear their hearts on their sleeves, but unless I know someone fairly well, that’s not the way I’m wired, so giving people an inside look at what I think or how I feel about stuff isn’t the easiest thing to do. I’m doing it here, though, because I believe that being real is the best way to connect with people, even though it makes me feel a little “naked”.
A couple of weeks ago, I wrote an entry and in it, I admitted that when I gave my first speech, I was so terrified that I cried throughout the whole thing. That was embarrassing to admit, but hey, it was the truth, and it was my attempt at being real. The topic was fear, which is something everyone has felt at some point, so I felt like people could identify with it…connect with it, and in doing so, hopefully connect with me/my writing. Or, they could laugh at me.
“…and I know that you’ll use them however you want to.” I interpret this part as the awareness that being vulnerable gives people the opportunity to use that vulnerability as a tool to hurt you. I think most of us can identify with that and I think you’ll agree that you don’t have to be a writer to feel vulnerable or get hurt. You’ll probably also agree that in order to truly connect with people on any level, you have to take a risk…you have to open up to them and you have to trust them (at least until they give you a reason not to). You have to be real. When we’re young, those things come naturally, but once we’ve reached a certain age and have been burned a few times, all of those things are really hard to do.
If we allow ourselves to be vulnerable and someone takes advantage of that, we often become jaded and close ourselves off, with the purpose being self-preservation, I guess. The problem with that is if we shut everyone out, we’re not just shutting out the people who will hurt us, we’re also shutting out the ones who won’t, which is a sure-fire way to miss out on potentially wonderful relationships.
There are always going to be people who will take advantage of you and your trust, but I honestly believe that most people have good intentions. And the ones that don’t? Well, that’s not on you, it’s on them, and if you happen upon one of those, kick ’em to the curb and keep on moving.
As for me, I’m a work in progress; protecting myself is my gut instinct, as it probably is for most people. But I do realize that if I want to build good relationships, I have to let myself be vulnerable, so I’m working on it (baby steps, baby steps). I feel like what I’m doing here is a pretty good start and I hope that I’m building a good writer/reader relationship with those of you who take the time to read my blather. And even though I’m not anywhere near ready to get “naked in front of a crowd”, I have taken my socks off, and that’s gotta count for something, right?